3 Types of Love in Marriage

                Marriage relationships don’t grow on their own.  If we’re not careful, we fall into the trap of thinking that our marriage will grow stronger by simply being in the same house year after year.  The years together will indeed deepen our relationship – but it takes some intention to make sure our years are truly “together,” rather than just “in the same house” or “with the same kids.” 

                In a section called “Your Marriage Needs Three Types of Love,” one pre-marital counseling workbook¹ encourages couples to think about 3 different Greek words for love, and to make a plan for helping each type of love grow in our marriages. 

                What are the 3 types of love we need to be working on?

 1)  Friendship Love – The Greek word “philia” is often used to describe a friendship love.  This is the idea of companionship, communication, and cooperation.  We see the concept in passages like Genesis 2:18, where God creates Eve for Adam because Adam lacked a life companion/helper 

• What will we do to keep friendship love growing in our marriages?  Some ideas from other couples: We will have a set time each day to talk about our day.  We will have a TV show we enjoy watching together.  We will find an activity to regularly do together, like reading the same book or taking walks or growing a garden.  We will show interest in what the other cares about.

2)  Romantic Love – The Greek word “eros” is often used to describe romantic, physical love.  This is the idea of physical attraction and the sexual relationship.  We see the concept in passages like 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, where Paul encourages couples to keep their sexual relationship strong 

• What will we do to keep romantic love growing in our marriages?  Some ideas from other couples: We will hold hands.  We will hug often.  We will kiss each other good-bye when we go to work.  We will say “I love you” often, including when saying good-bye.  We will keep communication open on our physical relationship, with the goal of keeping it strong. 

3)  Sacrificial Love – The Greek word “agape” is often used to describe a self-giving, committed love.  This is the idea of putting the other person ahead of yourself, or treating them with love even when we don’t “feel it.”  We see the concept in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the famous description of how love treats others in ways that rise above our natural selfishness (“Love is patient, love is kind…”). 

• What will we do to keep agape love growing in our marriages?  Some ideas from other couples: We will say “I’m sorry.”  We will forgive without continually bringing it up.  We will put the relationship above our own personal goals.  We will be sensitive to the other’s feelings, even when we don’t understand them.  We will strive to argue or discuss differences in a Christ-like tone.  We will endure difficult times until things get better for us. 

 Our marriage relationship will affect us more than any other earthly relationship – it is worth our effort.  Which of these do you need to get more intentional about?  Let’s make a plan to work on all 3 types of love in our marriages…

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¹Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts, (Harvest House Publishers, 1997), p. 22-23.