Winning Your Brother
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he
listens to you,
you have won your brother.”
-Jesus, in Matthew 18:15
I’ve
always loved the wording of Jesus in this passage. For one thing, Jesus says that we should go directly
talk to the person who has sinned, one on one.
We keep the matter as private as possible, and only make it as public as
it needs to be to bring repentance (as verses 16-17 show). We sadly get that backwards oftentimes,
telling it to everyone else first, and maybe after the gossip has spread, we’ll
actually get around to discussing the matter with the person who sinned. Jesus has a different command: go to him
first, and talk about it. So that’s the
first challenging lesson here: we need more Christians who care enough to talk
to those who have sin in their life.
But a
second lesson is the one I want us to think about a little more. When we go talk about the matter with our
brother, I love the goal of the discussion given by Jesus: to win your brother.
Notice
that the goal is not to win the argument.
Or to win a confession. Or to win
the perception that our goodness is better than theirs. The goal is to win…your brother.
It
reminds me that when there is sin in a fellow Christian’s life, that sin
jeopardizes their soul, and I risk losing that brother to the control of sin
and the reality of hell. It is no time
for games; the stakes are too high. If I
love souls the way God does, and remember that one soul is worth more than the
whole world (Matt. 16:26), I will want more than anything to bring them back to
God, His church, and forgiveness. So
that’s what I’m trying to do when I approach a fellow Christian about a sin: I must
genuinely want their status as a spiritual “brother” restored.
And if our goal is genuinely to win
our brother, I believe that will affect our tone and our attitude in the
discussion. When I want our relationship
to be restored, I will speak with humility.
I will speak as someone who truly wants what is best for them. I will speak in a way that encourages and even
expects a better spiritual future for them.
I will let them know that I want to help them get this sin out of their
life if there is any way I can help. There
will be love and friendship in every word.
But if I’m
trying to just win an argument or a confession, do you think my tone will be
different? I think it will. Without even knowing it, my voice may exude
an attitude of self-righteousness, of harsh criticism, of looking down at
someone. My voice may even get louder if
they dare to disagree with me, because after all they are the bad guy and I am
the good guy. My goal affects my tone.
Somewhere
along the way I heard a good definition of tact: “to make a point without
making an enemy.” I like that. It is easy to make an enemy by saying
something in a rude, holier-than-thou tone.
But if I am approaching someone with a golden-rule attitude, speaking to
them the way I would want to be spoken to, making a point without making an
enemy shouldn’t really be too difficult.
I simply ask myself: how would I want to be spoken to if I were in their
situation? A golden-rule approach should
come naturally from a desire to win my brother back to the relationship that
could be lost.
Is
there someone we know in our life that has sin?
Maybe even someone who has sinned against us personally? Let’s have the Christ-like courage to go
speak with them. But let’s do it the
right way, with the right goal that will then produce the right tone. If we
can avoid putting up walls with our attitude, and simply speak the loving truth
of repentance and hope, we may be blessed to win something far more valuable
than an argument. We may be blessed to
win our brother. And that’s what Jesus
wants.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.